This might be the most helpful thing I have read this week before sermonizing about Abraham and Isaac and God’s “test”. Also nice to have a name for a practice thrust upon me by mental health struggles (diagnosed and not) across many relationships. It’s wild to look backward and see the moments in each when I took a big release step... and then the ongoing, never easy but more frequent and desired impulse to hold them lightly, tenderly. Thank you
There are so many of us parents of teens and young adults going through our own versions of this. I’m so sorry you’re going through it but thank you for sharing so thoughtfully and honestly.
I love Congressman Jamie Raskin. He attended a small theatre in Bethesda at the same performance I attended. The fifty or so people in the audience rushed to shake his hand during the play’s intermission, me included. He smiled, and seemed delighted.
Recently, he’s fought yet another round of cancer and is in remission, thank god.
But it was when he led an impeachment of a president that I believe was responsible for one of the darkest days in this country’s history, January 6, 2021, just days after the death and burial of his beloved son Tommy, that he took the status of a super hero to me.
Ok, not really, but my admiration and respect for him has never wavered.
Because I wanted to know more about how this man who had just faced the most difficult time in his life with the death of his child could carry on, and accept the things he could not change, I picked up and read his book “Unthinkable” and it gave me much strength and light, just as MaryAnn’s essay here has done.
As Connie Schultz wrote in her review of the book in the Washington Post, I find agreement in total:
“The overarching lesson of this book is an optimistic one, particularly for anyone who loves a child, of any age. As I read Raskin’s many passages about his complicated, beautiful boy, and Tommy’s enduring influence on him, I found myself reflecting on my relationship with my own beloved children, now grown.
How much do we notice about the interior lives of our kids? How well do we know them? When they are young, we often worry about our long-term impact on them. How often do we even see their impact on us, let alone acknowledge it?”
MaryAnn, I’m acknowledging now that in your Blue Room, your impact on my life is immeasurable and priceless. Keep writing. Keep sharing your writing.
Such an important, helpful, beautiful reflection as I think about my grown sons and what is theirs to do and what is mine. The reminder my happiness is not dependent on theirs…also appreciated the Masterson quote. Strength and courage for you in your challenging season of parenting.
I can’t say enough about the Roger’s Wildlife Center. It’s just a few miles from us. Recently a neighbor took a distressed duck in and she thrived there!
When you drive in, large birds swoop and fly near you. Recently took them a bunch of syringes and bandage material.
Holy Indifference is tough. Like the character in Frozen, “ Let it go”, but only after you have done what you can😊
I'm the mom of a trans non-binary adult kiddo. They are coming into their true self at a time the right flank of this country is mobilized against them. And many in the middle and in the left are ignorant, uncomfortable or uninterested in the bigotry directed at them, they have experienced direct right wing attacks against them from many powerful political figures. It is a really lonely place to be as a mom. I want to make the world safe and welcoming for my kiddo, and I'll continue to show up, and I can't stop the gathering storm that is coming with the presidential election. I prefer the term radical acceptance to holy indifference. It just works better for me. It seems to be what you are writing about. Thanks for your words,they speak to me.
Really hit by the concept of holy indifference. Where is the line between where we are capable of exerting influence and where we are not? Does the line move...as in are we as agents in our world capable of maintaining holy indifference while also working to increase compassion, good will, and empathy? I'd like to hope so.
This spoke deeply to me for things in my life and the lives of others and with this crazy, beautiful world in which we all live. Thank you.
Thanks for reading!!
This might be the most helpful thing I have read this week before sermonizing about Abraham and Isaac and God’s “test”. Also nice to have a name for a practice thrust upon me by mental health struggles (diagnosed and not) across many relationships. It’s wild to look backward and see the moments in each when I took a big release step... and then the ongoing, never easy but more frequent and desired impulse to hold them lightly, tenderly. Thank you
Interesting lens into that particular text of terror!
There are so many of us parents of teens and young adults going through our own versions of this. I’m so sorry you’re going through it but thank you for sharing so thoughtfully and honestly.
And thank you for reading and for living alongside...
I love Congressman Jamie Raskin. He attended a small theatre in Bethesda at the same performance I attended. The fifty or so people in the audience rushed to shake his hand during the play’s intermission, me included. He smiled, and seemed delighted.
Recently, he’s fought yet another round of cancer and is in remission, thank god.
But it was when he led an impeachment of a president that I believe was responsible for one of the darkest days in this country’s history, January 6, 2021, just days after the death and burial of his beloved son Tommy, that he took the status of a super hero to me.
Ok, not really, but my admiration and respect for him has never wavered.
Because I wanted to know more about how this man who had just faced the most difficult time in his life with the death of his child could carry on, and accept the things he could not change, I picked up and read his book “Unthinkable” and it gave me much strength and light, just as MaryAnn’s essay here has done.
As Connie Schultz wrote in her review of the book in the Washington Post, I find agreement in total:
“The overarching lesson of this book is an optimistic one, particularly for anyone who loves a child, of any age. As I read Raskin’s many passages about his complicated, beautiful boy, and Tommy’s enduring influence on him, I found myself reflecting on my relationship with my own beloved children, now grown.
How much do we notice about the interior lives of our kids? How well do we know them? When they are young, we often worry about our long-term impact on them. How often do we even see their impact on us, let alone acknowledge it?”
MaryAnn, I’m acknowledging now that in your Blue Room, your impact on my life is immeasurable and priceless. Keep writing. Keep sharing your writing.
A shining example of what I’m writing about.
I will be sharing this with several parents who are members of the congregation where I serve who are heartbroken over how their kids are doing.
Hope the article is a good companion for these folks.
Such an important, helpful, beautiful reflection as I think about my grown sons and what is theirs to do and what is mine. The reminder my happiness is not dependent on theirs…also appreciated the Masterson quote. Strength and courage for you in your challenging season of parenting.
And for you as well, Jane. Thank you.
I can’t say enough about the Roger’s Wildlife Center. It’s just a few miles from us. Recently a neighbor took a distressed duck in and she thrived there!
When you drive in, large birds swoop and fly near you. Recently took them a bunch of syringes and bandage material.
Holy Indifference is tough. Like the character in Frozen, “ Let it go”, but only after you have done what you can😊
Oh how wonderful to have a personal connection. Sounds magical.
I'm the mom of a trans non-binary adult kiddo. They are coming into their true self at a time the right flank of this country is mobilized against them. And many in the middle and in the left are ignorant, uncomfortable or uninterested in the bigotry directed at them, they have experienced direct right wing attacks against them from many powerful political figures. It is a really lonely place to be as a mom. I want to make the world safe and welcoming for my kiddo, and I'll continue to show up, and I can't stop the gathering storm that is coming with the presidential election. I prefer the term radical acceptance to holy indifference. It just works better for me. It seems to be what you are writing about. Thanks for your words,they speak to me.
Oof I hear this!
I like that term as well--now you've got me thinking about what's similar and different about them. I may write a follow up! Good food for thought.
Keep on keeping on--it's a hard time for trans/non-binary babies and their mamas.
Really hit by the concept of holy indifference. Where is the line between where we are capable of exerting influence and where we are not? Does the line move...as in are we as agents in our world capable of maintaining holy indifference while also working to increase compassion, good will, and empathy? I'd like to hope so.
Ooh I like this. Growing/fluctuating in our capacity to effect change, and to let go as well.