It’s not about right or wrong, it’s about what works. Those words took a heavy weight off my shoulders for a moment. It has been decades since my young daughters and I struggled because I thought I had to parent the way I was parented. It was the only model I really knew, and it wasn’t working for any of us. The more I tried, the more it backfired. Until I let it go. I looked at my daughters with a different lens. I looked at myself with a different lens. It took a lot of work and a lot of time to find what would work better. It wasn’t perfect, but it was better. Now they are grown and productive people. They are making their way and finding what works. And I love them and am part of their lives in different and good ways.
May we keep looking for what works. What is right for one is not right for another, what is wrong for one is not wrong for another. May we find what works as individuals, families, communities, and beyond.
Your back-to-school parenting moment resonates. When our middle child was wait-listed at the only college he applied to the temptation to say, "we told you so," was great for the parents of a gifted child who had no desire - ever - to do homework or study. One of our better parenting moments was to save the "I told you so's" for each other and say to the kid, "so, what would you like to do with a gap year?" The result was a film, and, all these years later, a reasonably well-adjusted, happily married, college-grad adult. Which is to say, "y'all got this!"
Your thought process was so honest. I hope I master when to use the “I told you so card “ and sent goff grace. This really made me reflect on what type of parent I’ll be when my son gets older. Thank you, for these thoughts.
Right versus wrong are boundaries in my life that I hold strong. Too strong, sometimes.
Emotions don’t have to stay within those rails. They aren’t required to have logical reasoning, although we so often try to apply logic to gain understanding. If it doesn’t work emotionally, no amount of reasoning will alter that. It just has to work.
Just because I know I am right (and I am ALWAYS right, right??) does not mean I have to open my mouth and explain how right I really am. Nor explain how, and why, you are wrong. If I stay quiet, perhaps that OTHER next best right answer might present and we can resolve more world problems together. Just a thought.
I missed this, but Tuesday was my birthday too! Hopefully I'll be able to make it to one of the gatherings to discuss 'On Tyranny.' Really glad you're doing this.
It’s not about right or wrong, it’s about what works. Those words took a heavy weight off my shoulders for a moment. It has been decades since my young daughters and I struggled because I thought I had to parent the way I was parented. It was the only model I really knew, and it wasn’t working for any of us. The more I tried, the more it backfired. Until I let it go. I looked at my daughters with a different lens. I looked at myself with a different lens. It took a lot of work and a lot of time to find what would work better. It wasn’t perfect, but it was better. Now they are grown and productive people. They are making their way and finding what works. And I love them and am part of their lives in different and good ways.
May we keep looking for what works. What is right for one is not right for another, what is wrong for one is not wrong for another. May we find what works as individuals, families, communities, and beyond.
Yes yes! Thanks for commenting.
Being with our kids, staying engaged through it all... Seems like that’s what matters most. Thanks for this MAMD!
Well said!!
Our “always-off-the-beaten-path” son turned 40 on your birthday Tuesday! HBD to you too!
Thank you Sally!
Your back-to-school parenting moment resonates. When our middle child was wait-listed at the only college he applied to the temptation to say, "we told you so," was great for the parents of a gifted child who had no desire - ever - to do homework or study. One of our better parenting moments was to save the "I told you so's" for each other and say to the kid, "so, what would you like to do with a gap year?" The result was a film, and, all these years later, a reasonably well-adjusted, happily married, college-grad adult. Which is to say, "y'all got this!"
Wonderful story. And thanks!!
Your thought process was so honest. I hope I master when to use the “I told you so card “ and sent goff grace. This really made me reflect on what type of parent I’ll be when my son gets older. Thank you, for these thoughts.
Thanks for reading, Marc!
Right versus wrong are boundaries in my life that I hold strong. Too strong, sometimes.
Emotions don’t have to stay within those rails. They aren’t required to have logical reasoning, although we so often try to apply logic to gain understanding. If it doesn’t work emotionally, no amount of reasoning will alter that. It just has to work.
Thank you for this insight.
Great distinction!
Just because I know I am right (and I am ALWAYS right, right??) does not mean I have to open my mouth and explain how right I really am. Nor explain how, and why, you are wrong. If I stay quiet, perhaps that OTHER next best right answer might present and we can resolve more world problems together. Just a thought.
Yes, as the saying goes, doesn't just do something, sit there!
I missed this, but Tuesday was my birthday too! Hopefully I'll be able to make it to one of the gatherings to discuss 'On Tyranny.' Really glad you're doing this.
Oh wow! Happy Birthday Terrell!!
Hope to see you later this month.
"It’s not about right and wrong. It’s about what works."
I love this and needed this for my own parenting. What a mantra! Thank you!
Hope it helps!