Is Your Brain Lying to You?
cognitive distortions 101
Over the months and years, Robert and I have collected a bunch of resources to encourage positive mental health—various tools and worksheets from the therapies and groups our kids have attended. The other day I found a piece of paper titled “Common Thinking Errors.” I don’t even remember where it came from, but it’s a helpful list, so I thought I’d offer an adapted version here in the Blue Room.
Often when we’re stressed, overwhelmed, or yes, depressed, we can lapse into one or more of these so-called cognitive distortions. Once we recognize the unhelpful thought pattern, though, we can start to address it. Working with a therapist can help immensely, though these cognitive errors come up in my coaching work too. At the very least, recognizing that you’re a person having a thought is a great start: instead of “I’m no good at this,” move toward “I’m having the thought that I’m no good at this.” That may seem subtle, but it’s a productive shift—a little shaft of daylight between you and the distortion so you can find your way beyond it.
Here are a few common cognitive distortions. Do you recognize yourself in any of them?
Binary Thinking: “Fifty shades of gray are fifty too many”
Always/never, either/or, all or nothing.
Nothing ever goes my way.
Binocular Vision: “Objects are even bigger than they appear”
Looking at things in a way that makes them seem more significant than they are.
If I don’t do well on this presentation I can kiss my dream career goodbye.
Blame Game: “I know you are, but… never mind what I am”
Pointing the finger at others instead of considering your own responsibility/agency.
My day was going great until that idiot cut me off on the Beltway.
Crappy Fortune Telling: “a small medium at large”
Making pessimistic guesses about the future, often without supporting facts.
I’m never going to understand this math class.
Dark Glasses: “The future’s so bleak, because I wear shades”
Seeing everything with a pessimistic/negative cast.
We’re doomed.
Discounting the Positive: “Debbie Downer is my bae”
Telling yourself that positive experiences or qualities don’t count.
People said nice things about my presentation, but they were just being polite.
Emotional Reasoning: “Truthiness lives on”
Asserting something contrary to evidence, because it feels right to you.
The world is more dangerous now than it’s ever been.
Global Thinking: “Generalizations suck, and stereotypers are all alike”
Drawing a negative conclusion that goes beyond the current situation.
I don’t have what it takes to make friends.
Imperatives: “Excuse me while I ‘should’ all over myself”
Having a precise, fixed idea of how you or others must behave, with an inflexible view of what’s acceptable.
I’m really tired, but my to-do list is a mile long and everyone’s counting on me; I can’t stop.
Mental Filter/Selective Abstraction: “Flaw Patrol”
Paying undue attention to one negative detail instead of the bigger picture.
Who cares that I feel better since starting to work out… where’s my six-pack?
Mind Reading: “Harry Potter and the Divination Homework”
Assuming you know others’ motivations or thoughts, without considering more likely possibilities.
My coworker didn’t say good morning; I must have offended them.
Personalizing: “Ah, if only you had that kind of power”
Blaming yourself for things that aren’t your fault or things you have no control over.
My kid wouldn’t have been diagnosed with ADHD if I were a better parent.
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And now… an invitation, if you dare: which one(s) do you fall prey to the most? Share in comments, and I’ll share mine as well.
And here’s a great article from Dr. Samantha Boardman on how to address these cognitive distortions. I also find that tending to the bottom of Maslow’s pyramid (sleep, food, etc.) helps a lot.
Steady on.
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What I’m Up To
I’m preaching this Sunday at 10:15 EST (set your clocks back first!) at Trinity Presbyterian Church, Herndon, in person or on livestream.
I spoke recently about parenting and mental health for an online course sponsored by Myers Park Presbyterian Church.
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Link Love
Chip the Russian Tortoise is here!
My binoculars have dark lenses on them... ahem.
I have typically succumbed to Imperatives, and almost always self-imposed