It's a great metaphor, but parenting is definitely not all Holland. Some of it is maybe the border of Italy, some of it is on another planet, and in the west a lot of it is, in fact, Italy.
MaryAnn, you're a pastor so you're used to confessions: here's mine, I am way over subscribed here on Substack. However, I always have time for The Blue Room. My wife and I have four adult children between us. We love them all, but every single one has taken us from Italy, to Holland and to everywhere else in-between. Your wonderful essay just highlights the preciousness of the individual. And how that preciousness is made more special when we can share it. Thanks, MaryAnn.
I should have capitalized it. In the West - in the comfortable, privileged world that is not marred by constant war, violence against women, almost unimaginable poverty, and starvation. Yes, terrible things happen here as well, but most of us do not have to orient our lives around an endless series of traumatic experiences.
I didn’t end up in Holland. I ended up in a third word country where no one spoke English. I was recently diagnosed with a fourth very rare illness and am searching for information answers and doctors. So I get the analogy only too well. Thank you for sharing.
My colleague and I will be meeting later this month with parents in our congregation who have children on the LGBTQ/non-binary journey. The ideas in this essay will be helpful. Thank you!
I landed in Holland 32 years ago and in perhaps Belgium 28 years ago, having 2 sons with quite different disabilities. I love the idea of Holland, it rings true…but I’m not sure I’m willing to give it to everyone. All parenting has times of Holland but a differently abled child keeps you in Holland forever.
As a grandmother and mom of two men in their 50’s, I appreciate this metaphor especially at this time in my life. I think of the number of times when the boys were in their twenties and my expectations were way off. I had to let go of them and learn to live in the parts that were “Holland”. Expectations of depth of relationship fit in the metaphor also! Now as grandma to four (aging from 7-34) and one great grand there are times it is all “Holland”! But I love diversity and adventure so I try not to expect consistency to my “Italy”.
I'm still chewing on the metaphor, but it was really helpful to frame it like this. I think about our list of expectations or the things we thought we would do when we had our son, and how quickly we pivoted and adjusted. I need to think about this more on where we are currently. Thank you, Maryann.
It's a great metaphor, but parenting is definitely not all Holland. Some of it is maybe the border of Italy, some of it is on another planet, and in the west a lot of it is, in fact, Italy.
MaryAnn, you're a pastor so you're used to confessions: here's mine, I am way over subscribed here on Substack. However, I always have time for The Blue Room. My wife and I have four adult children between us. We love them all, but every single one has taken us from Italy, to Holland and to everywhere else in-between. Your wonderful essay just highlights the preciousness of the individual. And how that preciousness is made more special when we can share it. Thanks, MaryAnn.
I should have capitalized it. In the West - in the comfortable, privileged world that is not marred by constant war, violence against women, almost unimaginable poverty, and starvation. Yes, terrible things happen here as well, but most of us do not have to orient our lives around an endless series of traumatic experiences.
I didn’t end up in Holland. I ended up in a third word country where no one spoke English. I was recently diagnosed with a fourth very rare illness and am searching for information answers and doctors. So I get the analogy only too well. Thank you for sharing.
My colleague and I will be meeting later this month with parents in our congregation who have children on the LGBTQ/non-binary journey. The ideas in this essay will be helpful. Thank you!
As a sibling and for the last 35 years, caregiver responsible for my disabled sister, i never knew “Italy” existed. Nor been there.
I think I shall have to plan a trip to Holland. Perhaps they can stamp my passport thrice.
As a parent who just woke up in Holland this was a much appreciated read. 😊
I landed in Holland 32 years ago and in perhaps Belgium 28 years ago, having 2 sons with quite different disabilities. I love the idea of Holland, it rings true…but I’m not sure I’m willing to give it to everyone. All parenting has times of Holland but a differently abled child keeps you in Holland forever.
As a grandmother and mom of two men in their 50’s, I appreciate this metaphor especially at this time in my life. I think of the number of times when the boys were in their twenties and my expectations were way off. I had to let go of them and learn to live in the parts that were “Holland”. Expectations of depth of relationship fit in the metaphor also! Now as grandma to four (aging from 7-34) and one great grand there are times it is all “Holland”! But I love diversity and adventure so I try not to expect consistency to my “Italy”.
I'm still chewing on the metaphor, but it was really helpful to frame it like this. I think about our list of expectations or the things we thought we would do when we had our son, and how quickly we pivoted and adjusted. I need to think about this more on where we are currently. Thank you, Maryann.